I must admit that my entire December holidays was not exactly the best way I could have used my time. I had grand plans. I was going to improve my stick control and drumming speed but practiced a total of three times the entire month. I was going to be very fit by exercising every day only to exercise half-heartedly and not as intensely as I had imagined. I was going to improve my long-forgotten drawing skills. I was going to learn more about environmental issues.

Well despite my failure in fulfilling my lofty goals, I did get to spend a lot of time with my family and friends, which is really much more important than said goals above. I can always do all of those in Singapore, but I can't spend enough time with these people there. I also got to read a lot of interesting blogs including this one about a guy traveling around the world to look for his home. It's certainly interesting how he fell in love with a lot of aspects about the Philippines, and this guy has traveled a lot. Reading his posts showed me a lot of things that I take for granted about my home country. As much as I have gotten used to living in Singapore, I'm still a Filipino at heart. People have been suggesting and pushing me to get out of the country and forgo my citizenship altogether. How could I when I read about all of these foreigners who fell in love with my Philippines and settled down here? How could I when almost every foreigner I encounter tell me about how amazed they are with the friendliness and talent of the Filipinos? Am I going to be part of the brain drain that is crippling our progress?

I don't know. I still have around 7 years to decide. Maybe by that time, God would make everything clearer.

Another blog that is rather interesting is this one about a guy learning the languages of the countries he travels to. He believes that the best way to integrate and really learn about the culture of the place is to learn the language and converse with the locals. Inspired, I am going to start learning French again seeing as how I have forgotten a lot of it already--starting today! 

Reading these travel blogs have really given me another perspective about priorities. Although I have taken the initiative to try some new things the previous year, I have held myself back numerous times because of...I don't know, comfort? Resistance to change? Maybe some day I will get the chance to really see places for what they are and not behind the comforts of scrupulous tour groups.

But for now, I am only hoping to get a spot in the trip to France that the chemistry department is organizing this coming summer. So brush up on my French I will!

UPDATE

So after looking for a bunch of French grammar and vocabulary lessons online, I found myself getting bored because I have learned most of them before. I decided to relearn French the fun way, the way I learned English, which is to read novels and short stories. What better way than to start with the children's book Le Petit Prince and the Harry Potter series?

Now that 2012 has officially arrived, it's about time that I cherish the past year, learn from my mistakes, and forge ahead with an unwavering spirit--hopefully stronger and wiser. The past year has indeed been a year of many firsts and will remain as one of the most fruitful years in my life. It was the year when I started giving tuition, worked as a waitress and as a telemarketer, and earned my own money. It was the year when I first entered university and went to another country on my own for pleasure (so Singapore doesn't count) using my own money. It was the year when I missed a flight and ended up in a cheap hotel to catch the next flight. It was the year when I finally volunteered to usher and play the drums in church. It was the year when I bought my epic Tamahome although it barely fit in my room and caused my roommates discomfort. It was a year of...well, it goes on.

Now I look forward to having another fruitful year and that means trying a lot of new things again! For one, I changed my blog's theme to celebrate the new year. I hope...scratch that...I will fulfill my goal of trying as many things as possible in university and not be an absolute mugger although I will still be a certified nerd. I've been looking at a few activities I can do and I think I will join taekwondo next, but we'll see.

But most of all, I just want a more strengthened relationship with God. Last year I have seen His love and goodness, and I must say that I truly owe my life to Him. :)

December 19, 2011 (Monday)

Abi, Barbs, and I arrived at Subic at around 10:30 am only after a short two and a half hour car ride. Oh, the perks of going during off-season. We left our baggage in our hotel, Venezia Hotel, and since check in was only at 2 pm, we decided to walk around and explore for a while. We admittedly got lost for a bit before deciding to eat lunch first. We had read good reviews about Xtremely Xpresso Cafe so we decided to eat there. Plus, it had vegetarian options for me.

I ordered the Eggplant Parmigiana, which was pretty decent except that they should not have breaded the eggplant. There was also too much cheese, but I guess people who love cheese would not find that objectionable. The Old Spaghetti House's version is so much better in my opinion. The whole dining experience was pretty bad though because there was a huge table of about fifteen right beside us. The service was so slow that my order came only one hour later. At around forty-five minutes after we ordered, we asked the waitress to check the status of our order and she came back to report that they have only started cooking the thing. Great service, huh? Well, we supposed that it wasn't really their fault considering how many people were there, but it was still a pretty annoying experience. To add insult to injury, service charge was included in the bill. 

We wanted to give them a second chance so we actually ate there again the next day. The service was a lot better since there were fewer people around, but I managed to order a disgusting Spinach and Mushroom Lasagna. There was barely any spinach nor mushroom, and whatever spinach and mushroom they decided to throw in drowned in a sea of greasy cheese. Disgusting. I would not have eaten it if I didn't pay for it or if I weren't hungry. Oh well.

As for other vegetarian options, I was surprised to find plenty around. There was an Indian establishment called Rama Mahal and a chinese restaurant with a pretty extensive vegetarian menu, New Feng Huang, which is right below Venezia Hotel. I'm sure there are others that I have not checked out yet. 

After lunch, we went shopping before going back to Venezia to check in. We then rode a cab to White Rock for its awesome slides and wave pool. To our (un)pleasant surprise, the taxi ride amounted to P400! We asked White Rock's front desk if it's really this expensive to ride a taxi from the freeport area to the resort, and they said that the typical fee is actually around P500 to P600. So at P400, we were actually already pretty lucky. There was barely anyone around and we were pretty impressed with the service! We're definitely going back if we have the chance. 

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

December 20, 2011 (Tuesday)

Barbs, Abi, and I went to the Pawikan Conservation Center in Morong, Bataan to release some baby pawikans into the sea. We wanted to release one pawikan each, but the man handling the thing gave us three more for free! There was no one around the place unlike the last time I visited so it was a truly stress-free experience.

The baby pawikans only hatched the night before and they were pure black. I speculated that it's because they haven't eaten any chlorophyll-containing plant life yet, and the guide confirmed this. Apparently as you release them to the sea, they will just float around for about a week or two before sinking down to eat. This makes them vulnerable to predators like birds, but well, that's the way nature works. The little things were so cute! When I placed mine on the sand, it waddled around for a bit, as if unsure where to go before heading down to the shore to its freedom. The waves eventually swallowed it and we saw its little head bobbing up and down into the sunset. As the waves swallowed the pawikan, I remembered the silly physicist-biologist-chemist joke above. Abi took a video of it, but I don't have the file so unfortunately I can't post it here.

I asked the guide a bajillion questions about the conservation efforts of the center and the habits of the pawikans which were all truly fascinating. Apparently, the founders of the center are ex-poachers who scavenged the pawikan eggs to sell as food. They saw the error of their ways and now protet the eggs from other poachers. The pawikans would come out to shore every night or early morning to lay their eggs on the beach and they would harvest the eggs into safety away from the meddling hands of the other poachers. As soon as they hatched, they would simply release the babies back into the sea. Each pawikan can lay up to 120 eggs, and they lay about three times a year. That's a lot of baby turtles (or tortoises?)! 

The whole thing only cost us P70 per person (P20 for the entrance and P50 to release the pawikan). It's rather cheap I think considering the great cause of this center. Handling the eggs is pretty difficult. Only a slight rotation of the egg can kill the embryo inside! These people must be really trained. Overall, it was a pretty nice visit, but I suppose that our timing was pretty good since it didn't rain and it was off-peak season.  

"...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Romans 5:3-4)

I was never one to believe in fervent prayer, or prayer in general. I suppose I believed in the validity of prayer, but never in its power. 

Yes, it was a petty suffering, but suffering nevertheless. It was this nagging pettiness that produced a desperation, and in that desperation, a reason to pray more. I have never prayed for the same thing for so long to this extent. 

Just when I was about to give up praying and hoping, God gave me the answer that I wanted. When people say that He works in mysterious and unfathomable ways, they weren't kidding. He really does. Maybe some people will call it coincidence. Then I say that maybe coincidence is from God, and not really the coincidence that people thought it was. 

Prayer is powerful. Why didn't I realize this before?

I was reading the blog of an old school mate of mine, and it just hit me how much God's love has kept me sane and confident and loved and...the list goes on.

Truth be told, I never really liked her. She was in my CCA--never mind which one, and I had always thought she was irresponsible, rude, and generally unpleasant. I don't know what moved me to click on the link leading to her blog, but I did. Reading her blog just made me realize how much work we Christians have to do everywhere we go. People don't know God. People are lost without knowing God. At one point in her blog, she said that she loves herself a lot, because no one else will love her more than she does. No, God does. God loves you a lot. God loves you more than the whole world combined. 

And I realized how knowing this fact--that God loves me more than my feeble human mind can imagine--has really made all the difference in my life. It has made all the difference in my Christian friends's lives. This is not to say that we don't face hardships or moments of insecurity, or hurt, or doubt, or frustration. We do. I do. But we always have God to fall back on when we do. Maybe some people who don't believe in the existence of God (I believe they're called atheists) will call us naive and idealistic. Call us anything, but that doesn't erase the fact that our knowledge of God's love makes us stronger, wiser, and more confident.

It was painful to read her blog. I imagine a lot of girls in Singapore feeling the very same way as she does. Forget Singapore, a lot of girls probably feel the same way. I see signs of it in my tuition students too. I like this song by Sanctus Real called I'll Show You How to Live, especially this part:

So come with me
I'll show you life even better than this
Come with me
I'll show you love you didn't know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I'll show you how to live 

I'm so glad that my Shepherd found this little sheep.

After five years, I finally bought the drum set that I've wanted this whole while. It's third-hand, rusty, small, and old, but it's mine. I'm refraining from playing it though. I don't want the neighbors to complain about the "noise" so I'll have to wait until tomorrow when I mute my poor Tamahome before I get to play him.

About the name...I decided to name him Tamahome because its brand is Tama. Being the creative person that I am, of course I'll have to call him Tamahome even though I absolutely abhorred Tamahome in Fushigi Yuugi before. (Tamahome is an anime character from this anime.) 

This is an absolutely impulsive buy, but it's probably the best impulsive buy that I've made.

Lately I don't really feel like talking much. Yes, I know. That's kind of hard to believe knowing how I normally can't keep my mouth shut.

I guess I'm just sick of conversations replayed over and over. These are conversations that have been said before--only with other people--and having them with other people don't really make much of a difference. 

I am tired of forcing myself to converse for the sake of having conversations. For the sake of not appearing awkward. For the sake of passing time when people come together and have nothing better to do. I'd rather blank out and lose myself in thoughts. I've always thought that I am in extrovert, but maybe I am at heart a true introvert.

There is no point having these conversations anymore. It's better to keep quiet and just listen to the conversations, conversations repeated from the past, conversations that you don't really need to hear because they've been said before.

This morning as I was doing my Bible reading, I read this interesting verse about being excellent in giving. 

"But just as you excel in everything--in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us--see that you also excel in this grace of giving."

2 Corinthians 8:7

I have always been told by some of my churchmates that they can see the gift of excellence from God in me, but I don't think they mean it in the area of giving. Probably it's in things like my academics and in whatever task I set my mind to. When I read this verse, I realize that we hardly consider giving as an area to be excellent in. It seems counter-intuitive to think of giving in this manner. 

So I am challenging myself to be excellent in giving from this week onwards--be it in giving of my tithes or my time or anything I can give abundantly. :)

As I slowly peel myself away from my typical activities and invest more time in my relationship with God, I feel slightly uncomfortable because there seems to be insufficient time for everything that I want to do.

I am Miss Efficient--or at least I used to be called that. Nowadays I seem to be working very inefficiently. Or perhaps still efficiently in comparison to most people, but still less so than before. University life has so many distractions--so many events and interesting activities!, and it feels strange to have very few hours of formal classes every week. My weekends are burned with music practice, church, and tuition. I sleep late and wake up late now. (Gasp, shock, horror.) I don't feel the sense of control over my time as I had when I was in ACS doing IB. In the midst of all the I's and self-centered thinking, I just want to surrender my time to God. My plans and my control aren't doing it for me, but I know that God can.

At the start of the year, I felt so lost, so far apart from God. Now that I am investing more and more of my time in His kingdom, I realize that it wasn't that God held Himself back from me. He was there the whole time. It was me who ran away. There is something about having fellowship with other Christians and reading the Bible as often as possible, and serving in church that brought me closer to God again. Admittedly, this is a sacrifice on my part, especially since I am very stingy with my time.

But then again, what is a little bit of time in comparison to truly knowing God?